I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
