If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
