my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
