u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someone shattered a urinal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
