remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I puked a lego.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
only you would photoshop your dick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
