Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
