I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize