Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize