I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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