chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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