Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
