My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
