Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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