My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
