If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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