its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
