I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
