I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
