why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
