so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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