i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
