ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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