The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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