does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
