I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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