My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
