wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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