How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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