Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize