I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My dick has a subreddit
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
