Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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