just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
