he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Boobs are out for the taking
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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