...so i touched it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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