I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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