a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
