i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love accidental penises.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize