he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
