So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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