david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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