I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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