I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im holly from the hills drunk
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
