was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
