i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
