The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
