I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
