i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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