Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we should paint friendship bongs
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