you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
