The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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