Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize