Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
