even my farts smell like vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
