Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
