Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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