Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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