the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
