he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
