He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
