So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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