Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
