this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
