The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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