i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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