i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize