you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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