I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
