I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
