is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
