It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
