And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
