I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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