So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
