saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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