sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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