i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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