I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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