she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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