I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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