I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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