Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it hurts more in the daytime
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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