My Higher Power is John Stamos
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
