I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
