I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
