Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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