Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
