Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
