I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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