How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
