I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
