Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
