i cant cry in cvs. not again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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