You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
