i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
