I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
