trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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