you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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