did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
