dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize