You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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