Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
