here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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