she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
