I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
