I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
