I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
