belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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