Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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